Human interaction is complex at the best of times, and all to often we misunderstand or feel misunderstood. Which is certainly not good communication and not advanced NLP communication!
There are several reason for this.
Reason number 1 is usually also the biggest and that is we get emotionally triggered.
Now this can be positively as well as negatively but generally speaking it tends to be negative.
We then skew the meaning of the communication to best fit the emotion that is being triggered.
All logic and reality simply gets tossed out the window and we pre-decide what the other person means.
Reason number 2 is we communicate in our own preferred style. Having little or no awareness of how the other person prefers to process information. We end up being either to detailed or to vague for them to understand. Or we simply use words that do not engage, connect or resonate with them.
And reason number 3 is simply we assume they have understood! We expect them to have understood because we think we have been so clear?
Now this is day to day communication, this is what people do! Whether it’s about the weather or it’s discussing important issues. This is why at times human relations get so strained and tense.
We teach people to do it differently, We teach people to be effective.
And we do it with our NLP Training. Especially when we teach the “Linguistic” part of Neuro Linguistic Programming.
Either at the foundational practitioner level or at the more advanced Master Practitioner level.
So here are the 3 things that will make a massive difference to your communication skills.
Learn to control your state!
Learn to be sensory aware!
And the really exciting part, the bit that will help you to be incredibly influential.
Learn to control the level of ambiguity to specificity in your language.
Now what on earth does that all mean, you may be asking?
These are just some of the advanced behavioural skills that we teach in all of our NLP Trainings.
Skill 1: Controlling your state. How many times in your past have you said something or done something that you have later regretted?
How many times in the past have you made a choice that limited you? That now seems hard to work out why you left yourself with only that one option.
This was because you allowed yourself and your behaviour to be dictated to by your emotional state.
And now with hind sight you look back and it’s never as bad as it seemed at the time.
Staying in the optimum positive state, a powerful confident in control state will always serve you better.
Skill 2: Sensory awareness. What’s real and what’s not. Human beings are notoriously bad at create something out of nothing. Making the proverbial mountain out of a mole hill.
And we do that by skewing reality, we see only what we choose to see. Everything else becomes invisible to us in the moment.
Usually the reality that we have created exists only in our imaginations!
We mind read and use grandiose universals to validate and justify our feelings.
So simply stop and step back from the situation. Ask yourself “what evidence do I have to support what I believe to be true?”
And finally skill 3, the best skill by far. Being able to control your language, the words you choose to use.
All words have meaning but each word can have a different meaning to me than it will do for you. Our words create pictures in the listeners mind, their internal representation of reality.
And those pictures can be rich in positive meaning and understanding. Which will create a good feeling.
Or they can be poorly chosen creating subliminal negative associations. Which will create a bad feeling.
NLP teaches 3 powerful language techniques. One is all about the rules to distinguish between illusion and reality. One is all about detail and specificity. The last and my personal favourite is all about being artfully vague. Being able to gain unconscious agreement and guide the listener to a new perspective.